Let's go raid the dumpsters in the city
Let's go hit those trashcans for lunch
Let's go eat some garbage in the backyards
Let's go beat them raccoons to the punch

Did I mention my mama was Irish?
First name Patty
Maiden name O'Furniture
Yeppers. Patty O'Furniture
She met daddy eating trash on someone's patio
So she changed her name to Patty Opossum
You just can't make this shit up
well, actually you can
and I did
so sue me

Let's go cross the road behind the house
Let's go cross that highway over yonder
Let's go cross the street up north of town
Let's go cross 'em all we gotta wander

You know how Opossums have this
Natural ability to play dead?
That's cool right?
But those opossums you see laying
On the side of the road?
They ain't playin'
Cause that shit don't work on cars and trucks
Try that against a 18-wheeler
and you'll wake up dead
and also squooooshed
squooooshed opossum
poor little fella

Opossums can go anywhere they want
To find old bologna and the rare croissant
They'll live inside your attic and poop everywhere
Opossums can go anywhere they want

Turned that right into a poop joke didn't I?
Opossum poop.
All over your attic.
Hey, all that garbage we eat
its gotta to end up somewhere right?
it's in yer attic
You got a Poop Attic now!

Let's go find a brand new place to live
Let's go find a fresh house to regroup
Let's go find a pad that doesn't smell
Let's go find a home without opossum poop

So uh yeah. I guess I covered all the highlights.
We eat garbage. Check.
We cross roadways. Check.
We play dead. Check.
And uh, and we poop in yer attic. Check.
Lots of poop.
Opossum poop.
It's in yer attic.
Y'all come back now ya hear?

Copyright February 2021 by Ray D. Opossum

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Comments
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This song needed to exist and I appreciate it. I will come back now. -unpronounceable

This is exactly what I needed to hear at 9am on a Monday morning. Suddenly the day seems a little brighter. Excellent stuff! -hmorg

I saved this one up! Knew it would make me laugh!, great fun song again. -coolparadiso

This is an impressive sing-along number. I thought the banjo sound had a bigger quality than I expected from an opossum-sized banjo. I appreciate the swagger, though I think it’s more likely that the raccoons will be eating you for lunch -rayboneor

I’m finding these hilarious. My wife not so much LOL. You stay out of my attic now, ya hear? -krayzie003

And also “We give great advice. Check.” 😉 Your opossum voice is exactly what I want in an opossum voice. Wonderfully smelly, garbage, poop-in-your-attic lyrics, pal! -amelea

You play upright bass pretty well for someone without opposable thumbs. Don’t think I’ll be having dinner with you. -nancyrost

Awesome! It reminds me of a man named Jed, who was a poor mountaineer, could barely keep his family fed… -calumcarlyle

Thank the FAWM GODS I don’t have an attic. I’ve realized my songwriting mistakes… No poop jokes. Thanks, you’re O’Awesome! -unkept

Cause that shit don’t work in cars and trucks. GOOD TO KNOW!! We all appreciate that tip. This is a right rockin tune. I can see it going all the way to NUMBER TWO on the charts! Well… so long as digital sales don’t crap out. 💩 -vivalarayna

Wonderful! Funny, clever lyrics and excellent playing! -leka

This is so over the top hilarious. “you’ll wake up dead. And also squooshed” = laughing till tears are in my eyes. You had a great FAWM, opossum. -metalfoot

Had me laughing out loud. The asides are wonderful, the banjo perfect. -tseaver

Oh, heavens. You are one sidesplittin’ marsupial. Squooshed opossum isn’t a laughing matter, but sometimes you have to laugh through your tears. And you’ve got to poop somewhere, right? -cleanshoes

This is INCREDIBLE! Thanks for an an excellent way to start my day. I love the witty little spoken lines (“and I did, so sue me”) and the infectious energy of the tongue drum and the banjo. Definitely bookmarked this one for repeat listening! -heid

Adorable and addictive !! More !! -ajna1960

Ough! Haven’t had trouble with the oposums pooping in my attic, but have had trouble with squirrels or chipmunks filling jacket hoods with acorns in my attic. Also trouble with them stuffing acorns in the truck tailpipe, burning acorns is a horrible smell driving down the road. Also chewing tractor wires and blocking the heater fan with their nestings. I did however trap an opossum in a have-a-heart when trying for a groundhog that kept eating my garden. Apparently they’re attracted to cantaloupe. I didn’t know. So sorry. I didn’t know they took residence in this area either. First one I ever saw. He was a wee bit grumpy. -kc5

Brilliant. I love your songs. -rose

Nope – ain’t no guard against cars and trucks. I needed a smile and this did the trick. And you managed to sneak in a poop joke or two (see what I kinda inferred there?) -cts

Jaw harp for the win! Poop Attic makes me wonder if @opossum has ever done a pirate song involving the Poop Deck? -bradbrubaker

Ya know, living in Southern Ontario, I have no experience with possums. But I hear cos of climate change they are moving north and will be here soon. So now I am torn as to how to deal with them when they get to my area. Do I pet them and laugh and ask them to play awesome Bluegrass tunes? Or do I call the exterminator? So many questions. -fuzzy

I can always count on your music to make me smile. Thanks, Opossum for the education and wisdom you share with your lovely bluegrass music. -colgoo

Still laughing almost pooped myself. Not really i made a poop joke! Love it. -gm7

I blame Yoko for the lack of Beatles poop songs as well, she doesn’t get blamed for enough 🤣🤣 This is a great banjo riff with that jaw harp too, it’s excellent! I think I’m going to hear in my head every time I see an Opossum out about his daily duties of crossing roads and eating trash and pooping! Great tune! -dzdandcunfsd

Well this was a delight and I am going to go eat some trash! -theodamus

My studio is in the attic, I thought I smelled something. -spazsquatch

The song made me so happy, I picked up a hand full of shit and chucked it across the room, (not shit, but, you know – shit) 😀 yeehaw… -ustaknow

Okay, this is hysterical. I bet you had a lot of fun coming up with this. I love the banjo on this, too. Fun. -jsini